Girls and gay guys what is with us liking the crazy killers
We like him
And him
And him
Then we started to like his “twin”
And we love him
And him
And him
And him
You what after looking at this list I understand myself now we all just need these babies
•Even after you cut someone toxic/abusive out of your life, they drain you
•They get to walk away and pretend like it didn’t happen, while you’re left to pick up the pieces
•Sometimes they’ll play victim, try to garner all the sympathy and attention even though you know they have no right
•Sometimes they’ll take a fake high road, accuse you of lying and say they did nothing wrong, that you hurt them, and pretend that they’re better
•Some won’t take no for an answer
•They’ll do anything to put the blame on you. To make you seem like the villain or the monster
•Most will hurt someone again. And the hardest part is accepting that it won’t be your fault
•You’ll feel a void in your life where they were. You might miss them. That’s normal.
•You have to relearn so many things. What actual healthy love/friendships/relationships are
•You need to learn to trust again, to see the world as more then its darkness
•You’ll think you’re faking it sometimes. Even if others believe you, the what if will always creep up
•You need support. No one can do this alone
•Healing isn’t linear. It has its ups and its downs. Some vary day to day
•Just because you have a bad day doesn’t mean you’re regressing
•Everyone heals differently, but there will always be a scar
•Somethings may never be the same for you, somethings will trigger you. And that’s ok
•Nothing you did caused this. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t do anything. THEY chose to hurt YOU.
•Some abusers might have loved you, and it’s hard to accept that. Remember that this is toxic, unhealthy love
•You don’t have to forgive them. But you also don’t have to never forgive. Whatever helps you heal is what you need to do
•You may lose more people then just the one. Whether it’s people who support them, won’t support you, people you now see differently, etc. That’s ok
•You get to choose whose in your life
“Sometimes, I don’t want to get better. I want to wrap myself in the familiar blanket of gray and mental illness. I want to brew tea with these bags under my eyes, and enjoy the feeling of knowing the next step of my mental breakdown. I want to paint my body red and finally be something beautiful to look out. You see—recovery isn’t an instagram hashtag. Recovery isn’t green tea and avocado on toast with chia seeds. Recovery isn’t before and after pictures, sponsorships, and Sunday yoga. Recovery is crying before class, and then going anyway—because your therapist reminded you that you just cannot let your mental illness ruin every part of your life. Recovery is looking at your scars longingly, missing the feeling of breathing easy for just a minute. Recovery is telling them that you’re doing well, because no one wants to hear about your sadness for the forty second time this week. Recovery is forcing yourself to go the gym in the morning, because that’s what “good” mentally ill people do, right? Because you can’t recover without looking beautiful, right? It’s actually about health, though, right? It’s not about the fact that no one wants to listen to you if you’re not easy on the eyes. So I guess that this isn’t actually recovery either. Honestly, I don’t know what recovery is, but I do know that it’s been six months since I’ve last sucked on ice cubes for dinner; it’s been one month since I’ve added new tally marks to the scoreboard I’m keeping on my arm.So yeah, sometimes I don’t want to get better, but I do it anyway, because maybe that’s what recovery is—never giving up, even if it means giving up your sense of identity and having to find a new one.”
— better nights are to come, i hope (14/52) by (DS)
“sometimes people break and never go back to being the same person again. that doesn’t mean they didn’t heal at all, they just turned out to be someone different, someone who got stronger.”
—
recovery.
